Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
