I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
