i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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