I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
