good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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