Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
