i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
