If i come over, it means nothing
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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