He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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