she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
