btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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