Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
