The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
