i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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