Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
