Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
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