I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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