I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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