You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
