3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Randomize
