well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Randomize
