he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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