Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
