just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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