Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
ttyl tear gas
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize