I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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