He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
