clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
