You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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