paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
