Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize