i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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