im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
