So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
