hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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