I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
