I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
