his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
