Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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