I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
