Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
