I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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