somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
