I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
