Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
