Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
