So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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