I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
