I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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