he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
