I would go down on you faster than GM stock
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
