Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize