I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
