Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
