i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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