Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
