A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm really into asian looking animals
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize