Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
