two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize