I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
