Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
