he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
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