so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
cat food counts as protein by the way
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
