low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
