Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
