Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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