He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Of course I have a pirate flag
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
