All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize